Why do relationships go sour

Why do all my relationships seem to go sour in the same way….?

March 14th, 2007 — Rod E. Smith, MSMFT 

Unhealthy patterns occur in relationships when a person …

1. Does not sufficiently, or successfully, sever and recover from a previous romantic relationship before a new one begins. (Commonly referred to as “rebounding.”) 
   
2. Embraces a false, or faulty, definition of love. 
   
3. Gives the relationship an inordinate amount of attention. (This is seen when someone seems to disappear – becomes unavailable to other friends – in the wake of a new love interest). 
   
4. Offers too much of themselves (sexual favors, money, unlimited time) to someone whom they hardly know. 
   
5. Has unrealistic expectations of any relationship and therefore believes relationships offer what relationships simply cannot and do not offer. 
   
6. Thinks (believes, hopes) the other person is all they will ever need. 
   
7. Confuses nakedness with intimacy, lust with passion, and touch with love. 
   
8. Trades long-term commitment (taking things very slowly) for an immediate thrill (“I want it all now!”). 
   
9. Sincerely believes their love is powerful enough to change undesired characteristics in another person. (“Once we are married she’ll stop drinking.”) 
   

I know, i know its all very serious but i'm looking at these things with a keen eye at the moment and this list is no frills, to the point and probably accurate in what it is trying to communicate. 

Before the "last weekend" update

OK, i was going to write something witty and insightful (huh?) and as usual, i have the TV blaring behind me. Chris Angel's mindfreak is on- double take here- mindfreak? Did a copy wash up on shore just as a TV Exec was walking past?
This guy freaks me out, not just with his illusions but also with his originality and presentation. Cue him walking around Vegas, he approaches a blond girl in a tight little white top and does a voodoo doll bit where he takes something from her, ties it to the doll, she turns her back to Chris and he hold a lighter to the doll's leg, making the girl feel it in her corresponding leg! They then cut to other people he does this with before he turns the tables on himself and gets them to stick pins on the doll, making him bleed on queue, including, in one instance, through his nose.
Freaks. Everyone. Out.
The blond girl is so into what is going on and probably would have taken her clothes off if Chris had asked him.
Right there i was thinking, being a street magician is a chick puller. Totally.
Coming up, its his Mom's 70th birthday and Chris decides his going to perform a street illusion where he lights himself up like a giant birthday candle... ha, ha! i was so going to do this last year. Goth loving, Korn listening bitch stole my act.
Update. He does the trick/stunt/illusion walks around on fire for 45 seconds and falls flat on his face on the ground only to disappear in an instant and becomes one of the guys with the fire extinguisher. Cheers all round and Mom is crying happy.

The other thing i ended watching was a little number screening on SBS called "Dreamship Surprise: Period 1" A German spoof of Star Trek crossed with Star Wars. Its main characters are named Captain Cork and Spurk, or Spurky as Captain Cork calls him. Camp galore. Time travelling on a sofa. Bad guy is a Vader type called Lord Mouth. Go SBS, go!
BTW, its the second highest grossing film of all time in Germany after Lord of the Rings. I kid you not. Those Germans.

Its 1 AM and its raining like a fucking biblical flood is coming. This would be nice if i had a naked body spooned up against me in my constantly 22 degrees, red lighted Love shack, but as it is, everyone i have or could have sex with is definitely sleeping alone tonight. I know this. For a fact. Seriously. OK except for one my ex GFs, who's recently married - they are probably rooting like little monkeys right now but who cares, i got her first, Assturd.

Friday night and its all right

Ok, i have bits and pieces of thoughts coming to me so this will be a running account of them:
(In no chronological order):

Got a phone call from a dear, old, old friend of mine, out of the blue.
Me: Mate you must be bored shitless and wanking is not an option so you're calling me instead, right?
Him: Nah. (beat) OK yeah.
I mention my blog somewhere along the way and he carried on about how he's been in the Internet "game" ever since it started and "One thing i would never fathom is Blogs". I pansied on trying defend the entire Blogging universe to him before sensibly considering why i thought i needed to.
So i said, well look me up (which is not what i want him to do because i have a few private things i am happy to share with millions of future readers of this Blog but not the handful that i actually see in real life).
What's the URL to it, he asked.
None of your business, dude (yes i speak Keanu).
Ah, never mind, I'll find it.
And so he probably will, being a willy veteran and all.

Two violently different but similarly emotional SMSes from another friend, LCee, over the last two days.

First day.

I'm in a bus, not enough light to read and no hot chix to chat up. damn horny! If i was single i'd fuck two girls, do martial arts again, play guitar and go back to the gym full time. Oh and meet hot chix here and cheap fux OS, Cut loose! Yeah!

I imagine at the finish of this SMS he's shaking his fist in the air like he's Tiger and had just sunk a twenty foot putt. Except he's only managed to frighten the old lady sitting behind him in the bus. I was also confused the first time i read this and for about 2 min thought that fux OS was a version of Linux. Fux, Lux, etc.
BTW, he's the only male friend i have that declares himself horny to me. Disturbing and i have no clue how i let it happen.

Next day.

Out of the job now. given the choice of leaving now or finish up my the 11 days to the end of my "probation" period. Business decision. Bad luck. Should have taken up other offer 3 months ago.

I SMS how surprised i was since everything seemed to be going well. It took me a while to text that back. I had just come out of a 3 hour meeting at work and was hunkering down to lunch with fellow techies, all of whom know LCee, who use to be a colleague. Everyone was professing their love for the public sector and how cut throat the private sector was in comparison. Of course i was thinking what a load of BS that was since I've always found that the culture of the public S is survival, its structure safety nets and its reward athropied sense of achievement. The private S is open Market, survival of the fittest, movable, changeable and results driven.
Anyway, i felt bad for LCee and text him to call me later and maybe meet up for lunch the following day. No answer yet.

I have a toaster (Sunbeam Cafe series) that has five hotness? settings. I popped in two slices of thick raisin toast in there and set it to 2, thinking that was about right.
Damn things came out just this side of burnt and after i tried buttering one up- he, he- and tasting the bitter edges of the bread, i gave up making em. And so when would 5 in the dial settings be needed anyway?? searing flattened pieces of raw meat?

Friday night i went to a buck's night and towards the end of the evening/early morning the three of us left in the group got erotic massages from a place called Midas here in Marrickville. Really classy place. No really. They serve you tea in the foyer or you can take in a B grade movie while ensconced in a leather recliner, feet up. And then...
Oh Sweet J.
The more time passes between the doing and the recollecting, the more fevered my memory of it becomes. I've never had a more smokin body rub itself against me. I was rendered speeachless by the experience. Seriously. More on this in my next post. . . I am so learning Korean phrases the next few weeks. And saving money to do it again.

It rained and rained the last two days in Sydney.

I drove home in squall conditions barely able to see. And then what little visibility i had left disappeared when i tried to stupidly adjust the demister settings and got confused and fogged up all my windows instead. It was so bad with all that plus plowing repeatedly through flooded parts of Parammatta road- making me feel like i was crossing a creek in my Canyonero Offroader- that i actually mounted a median strip and nearly wreck the underside of my car. I rolled the window down, stuck my head out, found the nearest painted island strip and put my hazards on while swearing like a drunken knob for even being out driving.

I have been up 28 hours straight now. Its noon but i'm going to bed like a fucking wasted musician done answering his groupie page on the Net.

Internet Dating Terms Men Use and What they Really Mean

Its scary but 80% true... not as it applies to me, you understand, but in general.
OK?
Good.

Internet Dating Terms Men Use and What they Really Mean:

“40-ish”: Over 50 and looking for a 25 year-old
“Athletic”: Watches a lot of sports on TV
“Average looking”: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
“Educated”: Will patronize you all the time
“Free Spirit”: Will bang anything that moves
“Friendship first”: As long as friendship involves sex
“Good looking”: Arrogant
“Very good looking”: Dumb as a board
“Honest”: Pathological Liar
“Huggable”: Overweight and hairy like a bear
“Likes to cuddle”: Insecure mama’s boy
“Mature”: Older than your father
“Open-minded”: Wants to have threesomes with your friends
“Physically fit”: Does a lot of beer can curls
“Poet”: Wrote ex-girlfriend’s phone number on a bathroom stall
“Sensitive”: Cries if you want him to go see a chick flick
“Very sensitive”: Gay, just wants to procreate
“Spiritual”: Got laid in a cemetery once
“Stable”: Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
“Thoughtful”: Says “Excuse me” when he farts

Nightmares on the couch

Woke up on my sofa at 4 in the morning with these thoughts:

• What the hell do you call someone who falls asleep on the sofa all the time? There's got to be a word created for that already, right?
• I left my reverse cycle AC on again all night. My next electricity bill is on a A3 piece of paper to accommodate the usage graph for the last billing period.
• My last three ex's are all busy fucking their husbands/boyfriend right this very minute...
• One of the BF/Husband is going to the airport. I hope he has a flat tire and has to change it next to the highway and then he gets SWIPED by an 18 wheeler. This was spontaneously wished for. Is that bad?
• On the other hand, i just realised I've started a blog and its becoming my confessional/journal but I'm spending WAYYYY too much time with it if I'm blogging at 6AM. Also, which came first, the fact that i have no life so i blog, or that i blog to encourage me to get a life to talk about?
• I should get up now and have coffee and exercise but mornings are such a downer at the moment. Bad thoughts steal into your head when you're half awake. Like, what the FUCK am i doing?
• I would be such a catch if i was only a little more skinny. No rich. No wait, famous. No, hang on. Skinny.
• Life is not fair and full of unresolved crap.
• I'm horny.

Long Weekend coming

Already here is that Friday start of the long weekend looming, like a cloud of gloom rolling ominously towards the sleepy little town blah blah, blah.

Lord, i can't remember the last time i stood to meet a Queen's birthday long weekend with open arms and there's only one of them a year. I always wonder about certain people and grapple with the big questions now and then. Like:

• Where do homeless people sleep during the winter months? Underground rail stations? Middle Earth? Is there a draft less street corner somewhere where they all go?
• How do some people orgasm without making a sound? I know necessity is the mother of silence sometimes, but all the time? Is this a clue that they have been in prison at some point?
• How do lonely people keep themselves from going insane on these hyped up long weekend holidays? Is it pathetic to spend three days by yourself, watching DVDs, re reading fav books and bouncing around on an imaginary pogo stick around your place? Do you in fact keep your face in a jar by the door?

I know we should all be happy within our own skins and complete within our own selves but as Solomon Burke sang in that soul classic -

"Everybody,

Needs somebody,

to love..."

Kick this off

OK no one's listening and there is no way to do this right so, i was thinking, what are you NOT suppose to discuss in polite society? I know we're in the CyberS equivalent of Tombstone so perhaps Emily Post doesn't really belong here.

Ploughing through anyway.

So here is the triumvirate of topics that make up the cardinal sins of conversation:

Politics

Religion

Sex

Lets pick it apart.

Click.

So I'm watching the First Tuesday Book Club on the ABC- as you do- and finding myself grinning with pleasure because:

1. Marieke Hardy is eye candy with those FMBs, throw away smarts and ever present pigtails.

2. Guest reviewer Richard E. Grant is older, more literate and seemingly a nicer man than an actor should be (OK, except maybe for the "older" bit which is bound to happen anyway).

3. The other guest reviewer- Sophie Gee- is a honey with a B (as i will, from now on, be referring to women with looks and brains).

4. Ok, Jason Steger seems to be a tall guy. But interesting to listen to.

But actually, i just enjoyed the spirited discussion about books- mostly because I'm not used to it, having been brought up a black sheep on the wild plains of Illiteracy- i was rapt listening to people enthuse about Alice in Wonderland, marvelled at the command of language everyone seemed to possess (and whether it was legal to have that many smart people in the same room) and simply ate up the stimulating conversation, even though i was only a passive observer of it.

So where is the "pick it apart" bit in all of this? Well actually i was going to rant about some of the annoying answers Celebrity Readers gave as i was reading them on the companion website to the program. Andrew Denton's answer to the last question in his set peeved me into a paragraph of annoyed counterpoint but upon second reading of his answers and of mine, i think i was coming off the prat instead of Andrew. Still, his "God" answer has already passed its witty expiry date and was simply self indulgent. It also annoyed me that some of the other Celebrity answers were more demonstrations of snottiness instead of play-along-with-it affability.

Question: What fictional character would you most like to be?

David Stratton: I'm quite content being who i am.

Me: Just play along with it, you knob!

I took a dose of sense of humour and went to bed instead.

So the sex, religion, politics Hoo Haa will have to wait until next time. . . although the more i think about Marieke, the more she's doing it for me. Even if she is from Melbourne and refers to Sydney as the Land of Homosexualists .

So what do you say at 2AM in the morning after creating your very own blog?

You carry your bags through the front door and ask everyone to come in after you- make yourself comfortable even- except you've just moved in and there's no furniture to speak of. Not yet.